Post by steve womack on Oct 28, 2011 22:02:51 GMT
Apologies for these 
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that?........ 2:30am?
Lucky for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says "what makes you think that?" He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the footpath. At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Sod that, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I was at a cash machine yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that bloke's heading for a breakdown.'
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that?........ 2:30am?
Lucky for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says "what makes you think that?" He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the footpath. At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Sod that, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I was at a cash machine yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that bloke's heading for a breakdown.'
