Post by perkin on Jun 14, 2006 21:34:36 GMT
Bloke sat on a park bench with a dog.
Old gent is passing and says "does your dog bite?"
Bloke says "no."
Gent pats dog and has arm viciously savaged. He staggers off, whimpering in pain, saying "I thought you said he didn't bite?"
Bloke replies "it's not my dog."
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How does a blind parachutist know when he's about to land? The lead goes slack!
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A bloke is walking his dog ( a small, scruffy mongrel ) and fancies a pint. On the way into the pub he sees a sign saying 'NO DOGS' and 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY.'
He has an idea, and puts on his sunglasses. Inside the pub, the landlord says "Oi, you! Can't you read? No dogs allowed..."
"Ere, show a bit of respect," replies the guy, "Can't you see I'm a visually impaired gentleman?"
"spherical objects, you're not blind!" Says the landlord (classy establishment). "Anyway, guide dogs are either Labradors or Alsatians!"
"Oh," he replies, feeling his dog, "what sort did they give me, then?"
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A blind gentleman is standing at a bus stop with his guide dog. The dog sniffs the guy's shoe, stands up, cocks his leg and proceeds to urinate up his leg.
At this, the man bends down and starts to pat the dog. An RSPCA lady happens to be passing and says "sir, I would like to take this opportunity to commend you on your kindness to animals. You are a fine example of an animal lover, patting your dog that way after he just relieved himself on you!" Or something.
To which the fellow replies "I'm not patting it, I'm just finding which end is the arse so I can give it a kick!"
Old gent is passing and says "does your dog bite?"
Bloke says "no."
Gent pats dog and has arm viciously savaged. He staggers off, whimpering in pain, saying "I thought you said he didn't bite?"
Bloke replies "it's not my dog."
**************************************************
How does a blind parachutist know when he's about to land? The lead goes slack!
**************************************************
A bloke is walking his dog ( a small, scruffy mongrel ) and fancies a pint. On the way into the pub he sees a sign saying 'NO DOGS' and 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY.'
He has an idea, and puts on his sunglasses. Inside the pub, the landlord says "Oi, you! Can't you read? No dogs allowed..."
"Ere, show a bit of respect," replies the guy, "Can't you see I'm a visually impaired gentleman?"
"spherical objects, you're not blind!" Says the landlord (classy establishment). "Anyway, guide dogs are either Labradors or Alsatians!"
"Oh," he replies, feeling his dog, "what sort did they give me, then?"
***************************************************
A blind gentleman is standing at a bus stop with his guide dog. The dog sniffs the guy's shoe, stands up, cocks his leg and proceeds to urinate up his leg.
At this, the man bends down and starts to pat the dog. An RSPCA lady happens to be passing and says "sir, I would like to take this opportunity to commend you on your kindness to animals. You are a fine example of an animal lover, patting your dog that way after he just relieved himself on you!" Or something.
To which the fellow replies "I'm not patting it, I'm just finding which end is the arse so I can give it a kick!"