medical computer

[paulnewton]

Just a little teatime humour . Well it made me laugh
One day, in the company canteen, Jack says to Mike behind him ,
>"My elbow really hurts, I think I'd better see a doctor".
>
>"Listen, don't waste time", Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic
>computer down at Asda, just give it a urine sample and the
>computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it".
>"It takes ten seconds and costs five pounds . a lot quicker and
>Better than a doctor".
>
>So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
>Asda. He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for
>The urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten
>seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
>
>YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER AND AVOID
>HEAVY ACTIVITY. IT WILL IMPROVE IN TWO WEEKS.
>
>That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
>Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
>water, a stool sample from his dog , urine samples from his daughter and
>his wife, and
>masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
>Jack hurries back to Asda, eager to check what will happen. He
>deposits five pounds, Pours in his concoction, and awaits the
>results.
>
>1. YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD. GET A WATER SOFTENER.
>2. YOUR DOG HAS RINGWORM. BATHE HIM WITH ANTI-FUNGAL SHAMPOO.
>3. YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A COCAINE HABIT. GET HER INTO REHAB.
>4. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT. TWINS. THEY AREN'T YOURS. GET A SOLICITOR.
>5. IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, YOUR ELBOW WILL
>NEVER GET BETTER.
>
>and thank you for shopping at Asda.